Infant to be Questioned in Calcium Theft case

MAUMEE, OH–7 month old Taylen Mackenzie Harper is being sought for questioning in an ongoing case of alleged larceny. The victim…her 27 year old mother.

According to Becky Harper she always had perfect teeth.

“I never had a cavity. I mean sure, my family has always had soft teeth and my mom had dentures when she was seventeen,” said Becky while sipping on a Super Big Gulp of Mountain Dew. “But I never needed nothing done to them before. As soon as Taylen was born they all went to hell.”

When questioned further Becky levelled the painful accusation.

“Taylen stole all my calcium. That’s what happened. That little baby took it!”

Maumee police are investigating the incident but evidence of the crime has been difficult to come by.

“She doesn’t really talk yet. She mostly just babbles but occasionally seems to say ‘no,'” said Sargent Willie Hearns of the Maumee PD. “This is going to be a tough one.”